We've all got a nickname for McDonald's. Back in the UK, I used to call it MaccyD's. McDonald's in Japan has been fuelling an east-west divide over their Japanese nickname throughout the summer of 2017.
Is it 'Makku', or is it 'Makudo'?
Well, it isn't really a divide to begin with. As McDonald's has shown, on their own damn map of the country. Every prefecture's got a colour based on which nickname they use. 'Makku' is in white, 'Makudo' is in yellow, and 'either, don't care' is in green. See anything unusual here?
Out of Japan's 47 prefectures, only 11 call McD's 'Makudo' - and 6 of those use it interchangeably with 'Makku'. That's not even a quarter of the country. This isn't a fierce rivalry across Japan, or even the east and west sides of it.
But McDonald's needed to promote something, so it may as well be 'Japanese civil war over how to talk about American fast food'. And I needed to write a new blog post this week.
In the 'Makku' corner, we have the Tokyo roast beef burger (red) and lemon basil mayo sauce (yellow/green). Not shown: northern Japan's contribution to the debate, Yamagata prefecture's La France pear soda.
The contenders in the 'Makudo' corner are the Osaka katsu beef burger (yellow) and okonomiyaki mayo sauce (orange/brown). Not shown: another Kansai favourite, Wakayama prefecture's mikan orange soda.
To me, the Tokyo offering is... not Tokyo-ish at all. Disappointing. Although, there's not much to think of when you think of trademark Tokyo food. The best I could do was 'ramen'. And plenty of other Japanese burger places have attempted the ramen burger before.
Makku team also stumbled when it emerged that the roast beef burger has pork in it. Oops.
As a resident of Osaka, I'm biased here. I know. But this... katsu and okonomiyaki... this is Osaka. Makudo team brought the more authentic menu items to the table. Tokyo, take some notes.
Both of the burgers were also on the breakfast menu as muffins. The roast beef muffin had cheese in it - the burger didn't. The roast beef muffin didn't have mustard in it - the burger did. That was a surprise. Also a surprise: didn't taste like pork. Good.
The roast beef burger had a split bun, like it was cut with a knife down one side. You can sort of see that in the pic. And it went ahead and split while I was trying to eat it.
The katsu burger did no such thing... but the katsu didn't have the crunch I wanted. You may call me picky, but 'katsu' (breaded deep-fried stuff, anything really) is meant to be a loud food.
Tokyo's lemon basil sauce is delicious, if far more lemon-y than anything else. The okonomiyaki sauce for Osaka lacked that strength of flavour in comparison. Which was a shame, because okonomiyaki is maybe my favourite Japanese food of them all.
On balance, it all tasted good. I didn't leave either burger unfinished, and the sauces went well with a medium portion of fries.
But the winner is (drum roll please)...
Verdict: Osaka wins. Hey, I don't want to be run out of town by angry grandmas.
Tokyo's entry in the Makku vs. Makudo debate was delicious. I can't fault the flavour. But was it typically Tokyo? Not at all. That lack of authenticity let the side down. Osaka's offering wasn't perfect, but the flavour and ingredient choices were totally Kansai. On that, it has to win.
In the end, because I bought both burgers I haven't affected the vote count either way. Whichever burger sells more gets a little extra promo in September. Maybe next year we'll get an Okinawa goya burger. That I'd definitely eat...